Thread: How to let go of self-centeredness?

  1. #1
    Forums Member
    Join Date
    May 2020
    Location
    England
    Posts
    1

    How to let go of self-centeredness?

    Hi,

    I've read that in order to stop being self-centered, we have to stop using phrases such as I, my and me. The thing is, how? I mean, what should I say instead? Do I need to do this, or can I simply put others before myself - will that work?

    Any help greatly appreciated!

    May you be free from suffering
    Kat

  2. #2
    Quote Originally Posted by Kat Lennon View Post

    I've read that in order to stop being self-centered, we have to stop using phrases such as I, my and me. The thing is, how? I mean, what should I say instead? Do I need to do this, or can I simply put others before myself - will that work?
    Hello and welcome, Kat.

    Understanding Anatta (not-self) doesn't mean that you haven't to say 'I', 'my' or 'me' !

    Have a look at this sutta:

    https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipi....059.nymo.html


    ...and also have a look at this transcript of a talk by Ajahn Sumedho, who is the former abbot of Amaravati Monastery UK:

    "Self-view, Personality and Awareness."

    https://www.dhammatalks.net/Books9/A...ersonality.htm


    With Metta,

    Aloka.

  3. #3
    Forums Member trusolo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Location
    nyc
    Posts
    115
    @Kat
    How about neither. Not actually saying the words won’t accomplish anything. We would all have to talk strictly in passive tense all the time. It just sounds weird! Why should one put others before oneself always? It has to be situation dependent. There is the concept of dependent origination, which basically says (massively oversimplied version) that nothing exists in and of itself or by itself. Everything that is or happens is due to many causes and conditions. In light of this concept, “I, me, mine” or anything you might associate with those labels is also a happening, an occurence that happens or occurs because of causes and conditions. This idea when constantly applied to everything one experiences tends to loosen the grip of ego-attachment. At least thats how I understand it for now.

    Welcome to the forum Kat!

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by trusolo
    There is the concept of dependent origination....
    An explanation of Dependent Origination (paticcasamuppada) can be found in the section "Dependent Origination - the source code" on page 6 of Ajahn Amaro's "Theravada Buddhism in a Nutshell"

    https://www.abhayagiri.org/media/boo...a_nutshell.pdf

    and here are two suttas (Bhikkhu Bodhi translations):

    Dependent Origination:

    https://suttacentral.net/sn12.1/en/bodhi


    Analysis of Dependent Origination:

    https://suttacentral.net/sn12.2/en/bodhi


    There are also five chapters about Dependent Origination (pages 131-172) in Ajahn Sumedho's book "Direct Realisation".

    https://www.abhayagiri.org/media/boo...ealization.pdf



  5. #5
    Forums Member justusryans's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Buckingham, Virginia
    Posts
    367
    Hello Kat, and welcome to Buddhism Without Boundaries. Hope to read lots of your posts!



    Mike
    Last edited by justusryans; 20 May 20 at 14:23.

  6. #6
    Forums Member Cyril's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2020
    Location
    FRANCE
    Posts
    31
    For me, « Anatta » means that nothing really belongs to me.

    My body doesn't really belong to me, because it doesn't obey me : it grows old when I would like it to remain young; it is sick when I would like it to remain healthy.
    My objects do not really belong to me, because their destiny is to degrade, to break, to escape from me.
    My emotions do not really belong to me, because they are constantly changing.

    « I, me, mine » exist, but « I, me, mine » are not real.

    However, one must take care of one's body and possessions. One must observe one's emotions to try to control them.

Los Angeles Mexico City London Colombo Kuala Lumpur Sydney
Mon, 12:18 PM Mon, 2:18 PM Mon, 8:18 PM Tue, 12:48 AM Tue, 3:18 AM Tue, 5:18 AM