Thread: Reflexive Feelings.

  1. #1
    Forums Member Olderon's Avatar
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    Reflexive Feelings.

    Recently experiencing an inabilty to control anger. Anyone developed an effective means of dealing nonhurtfully with such emotions? Would appreciate those sharing personal experiences.

    Ron

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    Moderator justusryans's Avatar
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    I practice being in the moment, like when someone has cut you off in traffic. I mean what else are you going to do. Anger is ok as long as you know it is there.Then you can put it away. Work on some Metta. I make it sound easier said than done. It is necessary though.

    With Metta Ron


    Mike

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    That's the strange thing about Buddhist practice. At the same time it helps anger management, but you also become more mindful of what is happening, so notice stuff that makes you angry. The main thing that helped my anger problem was reading about Bardos and what happens in them. There is the story of someone being mistreated by someone else and being angry with them, but later understanding that in the bardo last time they died (I know, but bear with me) they had begged the person that next time round they would be bad to them deliberately to help them gain enlightenment. That person didn't want to but agreed reluctantly.

    Fairly nonsensical stuff I know but it allowed me to look at anger in a different way, that those instances are a reminder that I need to practice more. From that time I still got angry but there was an element of, "Thank you for reminding me of what I have to do in my practice", and it really helped the anger management. It certainly helped in that stage of the metta bhavana practice where you have to think well of people who have done you wrong, so to speak.

  4. #4
    This talk from Ajahn Amaro might be helpful:

    "I Am A Buddhist, Why Am I So Angry"

    https://www.amaravati.org/audio/i-am...am-i-so-angry/

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    Forums Member Olderon's Avatar
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    Hi, Aloka.

    Thank you for sharing this dhamma talk. I found it very relevant to the topic raised and helpful to me personally.

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    Forums Member Olderon's Avatar
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    I recently had a opportunity to practice the recommendation of Mingyur Rinpoche from a dhamma talk Aloka shared in regard to beneficially handling anger. A person very close to me has been absolutely horrid in her treatment of me.

    Following MR's advice I just observed and chose not to respond (reflexively or otherwise) and just observed the emotions arising within, and when that was not sufficient for prevention of me metaphorically breaking this individual's neck, I switched to watching my breath.

    Unfortunately, next came a complaint from this same individual that I was ignoring "her", which seems to have been a common complaint from her over the last 13 years, which comes from the fact that often I just don't know what to say, and the fact that no matter what I say, I am wrong.

    Then I realized that most of reflexive emotion was arising out of my personal delusion of self, in that I still think that there is a self somewhere within which can be harmed, or slighted in some manner. Of course as a buddhist practitioner I know that this is merely a mundane view and that there is no self. Therefore, there is no self, which can in any way be slighted or harmed.

    So, back to observing the emotion, smiling and then allowing it to pass as all such emotions are slated to do.

    Thank you, Mingyur Rinpoche. _/\_Ron

  7. #7
    Hi Ron,

    I'm so glad the short Mingyur Rinpoche video I posted in our Mahayana forum was helpful for you!



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