Is it sure that I "can't do it wrong"?

[federica17]

Hi!
Not sure if this is the right section, but my question is not exactly about meditation or about the teachings...it's more about the whole "Buddhism experience", if I may say so.

I'm a total beginner, I've been practicing meditation and studying the basics of Buddha's teachings on my own using books and websites (no sanghas around my town...) for just a couple of weeks now, after eight weeks of MBSR online course.
I must say I feel a bit confused...

It's like all the stuff I'm reading is pulling me in different directions. For example, I'm a pretty neurotic person, the kind of person that always has to-do-lists and plans in advance, with a strong urge to control everything in detail. So, on one hand there is this general sense of self-compassion, kindness, acceptance that makes me think "relax, let go, go with the flow" but on the other hand I am trying to stay mindful during the day and this is anything but spontaneous, on the contrary it requires a continuous effort that is keeping me tense ("gosh, you forgot to be mindful today!").

Similarly in meditation, for example today I sat for half an hour and I spent almost the whole time running after irrelevant thoughts. I know it's ok and normal and it takes time and practice to "improve". But when I think about my session, on one hand I get this kind of "do not expect anything, accept the present experience as it is, there is no such thing as a bad session" vibe while on the other, it still seems to me that it should be possible to "make some progress", so that with practicing it becomes easier and easier to stay mindful, which makes me think of it as a sort of mental training, and I worry whether it occurs automatically with practicing or whether I could go on for years without ever getting "there" if I don't do it "right".

So it's like I have these two sides of the coin in my experience so far, "just keep sitting everyday, studying and doing your best and do not worry, it will work anyway" vs. "if you don't manage to find how it's done properly you will never get better at it" and I'd like some advice to understand how to disentangle this!

Also if anyone has memories regarding their very first period as Buddhists and how it felt, I'd be glad to read! Sometimes book seem so "wise" that I cannot relate, I just get the feeling that everything will clear up with time, but I would feel much better if I could read other people's impressions and experiences from when they were at the very first steps.

Thank you and may you all be happy!

[KathyLauren]

It is not true that you cannot do it wrong. You can. Making no effort would be doing it wrong. Making such an effort that you get stressed would also be doing it wrong. As with most things Buddhist, the Middle Way is the best.

When you catch yourself thinking, "gosh, you forgot to be mindful today!", that is good mindfulness. It is better if you catch yourself sooner, but that comes with practise. In meditation, you want to be able to notice when your mind wanders. When you notice, that is mindfulness. Then you just bring the mind back to the intended focal point, and carry on.

Once you understand how mindfulness works with respect to meditation, then you can apply it to other aspects of life.

Om mani padme hum
Kathy

[philg]

You wouldn't expect to do well at a sport just by reading about it. You need to get fit generally and to carry out exercises which help that particular sport. You need to practice aspects of the sport, but also play the sport for real. When both aspects are in place you might expect to make some progress, but not before that. Mindfulness is just the same. You need to not only read about it, but to practice other elements of meditation, gaining mental strength and suppleness, and then look at a structured approach to developing mindfulness during meditation, which can then gradually be extended to the real world. It all takes time, depending on the individual, so don't be hard on yourself for not being perfect at any time.

[federica17]

Thank you both for your kind answers: your words were very useful and clarifying to me.
I especially appreciate that you both stressed how learning mindfulness starts in meditation, and can then be extended to daily life. This helps me understand that right now, when I try to be mindful, the quality of my attention is the same quality of attention I manage to obtain during sitting sessions (and even a little less, of course, due to all the distractions and things going on)...and with time and practice, and the right effort, this quality can improve. Somehow I was mistakingly assuming that stressing over it should make my mindfulness "better" whenever it occurs, but now thanks to you I see that it's good to do what I am able to do now, and keep practicing!

[Citta]

Don’t be hard on yourself. It is not a race nor competition. And nobody is judging you but you. So relax, first of all. One of the most beautiful things about Buddhism is the lack of being judged.
Start easy, learn the Four Noble Truths and Noble Eightfold Path.
Focus on basic meditation practice using breath as your object.
And remember that meditation is called practice largely because one is practicing being mindful which will eventually spill over into your daily life. Just relax, practice and let it come.
Don’t self-critique and don’t expect.