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Thread: Buddhist humour

  1. #11
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    The "Pizza joke" clip was excruciating. The joke was pretty good though except perhaps it needed to be a sadhu going in for a pizza. If it was the Dalai Lama (with greatest respect) maybe it should go something like:

    The Dalai Lama went into a pizza shop and the fellow behind the counter recognised him and asked, “Can I make you one with everything?”.

    The Dalai Lama said, “No, thank you very much”.

    So the other fellow behind the counter who knew a thing or two about buddhists asked, “Then can we make you one with nothing?” and the Dalai Lama said, “No, thank you very much”.

    “So how can we help you then?”

    The Dalai Lama replied, “Can you make me one with both?”

    The fellows behind the counter looked confused, so the Dalai Lama with great compassion said, "Don't worry, don't worry. Just make me one with neither."



    (Or something like that.)

  2. #12
    Technical Administrator woodscooter's Avatar
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    I think your story needs a little editing (with the greatest respect) :

    Quote Originally Posted by Richard View Post
    The "Pizza joke" clip was excruciating. The joke was pretty good though except perhaps it needed to be a sadhu going in for a pizza. If it was the Dalai Lama (with greatest respect) maybe it should go something like:

    The Dalai Lama went into a pizza shop and the fellow behind the counter recognised him and asked, “Can I make you one with everything?”.

    The Dalai Lama said, “No, thank you very much”.

    So the other fellow behind the counter who knew a thing or two about buddhists asked, “Then can we make you one with nothing?” and the Dalai Lama said, “No, thank you very much”.

    “So how can we help you then?”
    The Dalai Lama replied, “Just make me a large pizza with mushroom and olives”

  3. #13
    Forums Member Olderon's Avatar
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    Thanks, woodscooter:

    Which reminds me of the time HHDL was in New York to speak at a large Buddhist conference.

    As he passed through the Deli District on the East Side, The Dalai's limo driver, an elderly Middle-Eastern man, who had grown up in Israel as a child, asked if The Dalai had ever been to a good Jewish Deli for a meal. The Dalai Lama misunderstood the question, and answered, "Yes, I know the Dalai quite well!" "In fact I have been close to him all of my life."

    The driver, smiling, responded, "Wonderful!" "Would you like me to stop for a moment and get you and him sandwiches for lunch?", to which The Dalai Lama responded, "That sounds wonderful!" "What do you suggest?"

    The driver smiled even broader and suggested, "How about a nice Salami sandwich, or perhaps Gefilte Fish on Pumpernickle?"

    The Dalai Lama smiled and giggled, now just realizing the confusion he, himself, had helped to create, responded to the driver's kindness saying: "Yes, I would like an hot pastrami with horse radish mustard and sauerkraut on rye, and The Dalai Lama will have Kosher Corn Beef on Pumpernickle." Oh! And please hold The Mara-naise!"

    (A young Deva riding in the trunk, a drummer in a previous life, who always traveled with HHDL to study The Dhamma, overheard the pun & spontaneously decided out of habit to assist in the delivery of the joke by slapping out: "Ba Dum Bump!" on The Dalai's Trunks, which were stored in the limo's trunk.)

    When he stopped to pick up the sandwiches, before entering the deli, the driver, having heard the "Ba Bum Bump!" opened the truck of the limo thinking that the luggage had shifted during the trip with the intention to inspect for damage and re-secure the load. To his surprise, the driver discovered the reborn drummer Deva sitting in the trunk with HHDL's luggage placed around him like a drum set. Being a very kind and considerate man, the limo driver offered to buy The Deva a Deli sandwich as well. The Deva thanked him and ordered The Gefilte Fish since he had never in his current life, nor any of his previous lives ever tasted one.

    Upon returning from the deli, the driver delivered the sandwiches ordered into the passenger compartment to HHDL, and into the trunk to the deva.

    Realizing suddenly, that he had forgotten to order anything for himself, and that he had forgotten to get any drinks. the driver returned to the deli to get his favorite, a hot Kosher corned beef on a bagel with spicy mustard and four Cream Sodas, the traditional drink to go along with deli sandwiches.

    The Dalai Lama, now worried that he was going to be late for the conference at which he was the featured speaker, asked the Deva in the trunk to run over to the deli and ask the limo driver to hurry, because it was getting late. Unfortunately, the deva had fallen asleep in the darkened trunk and did not hear HHDL's request. So, in panic, The HHDL opened the door onto a decidedly busy New York street, exited the limo, and ran over himself.

    HHDL was killed instantly!!!!!!!!!!

    How you ask?

    In the tradition of The Zen Buddhist Koan, this story is presented as a puzzlement, which can only be answered by one whose mind is focussed squarely and tirelessly upon its solution.

    However, I have been authorized tell you that HHDL was not struck by any trucks, automobiles, or motorcycles. There were no train tracks to be crossed, so HHDL was not run over by any trains, subways, or elevated rail tpe vehicles. Nor was he struck by any other type of over-the-road vehicle you could possibly imagine.

    But, HHDL was in fact in this story run over and killed instantly.

    How?

    That is for you to answer. But know this. The answer has already been written on this page.

    What is "your" answer?
    Last edited by Olderon; 15 Jul 18 at 11:00.

  4. #14
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    Hi Woodscooter,

    In your reply to my expansion of the Pizza joke, you're absolutely right.

    Jokes take work and shouldn't be tried in public until the characters are behaving true to life. I'm sure the Dalai Lama would have recognised the pizza workers inappropriate logic and not played along with it. He just went in for a pizza, after all.

    It won't stop me trying though.

    Cheers

  5. #15
    Technical Administrator woodscooter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Olderon View Post
    ...
    In the tradition of The Zen Buddhist Koan, this story is presented as a puzzlement, which can only be answered by one whose mind is focussed squarely and tirelessly upon its solution.
    ...
    Well, Olderon, I have focussed my mind on the story and I remain puzzled ( as is the case with almost everything else that I think about ).

    I understand that to say "HHDL opened the door ... ran over himself" can mean "ran across the road himself instead of having someone else run for him".

    But I can't make any sense of the rest of the story leading to the Dalai Lama's demise.

  6. #16
    Forums Member Olderon's Avatar
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    Yes. It's the nature of the construction of the koan. Keep working on it . Eventually the solution will arise in your mind.

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  8. #18
    Forums Member Gaedheal's Avatar
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    Hi Olderon,
    That site, accesstoinsight.org is very good. (I’d forgotten it so thank you for your post, I’ve duly bookmarked it!)

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