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Thread: Responding with love and courage

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    Responding with love and courage

    .
    This is an article by Jack Kornfield:



    Responding with Love and Courage

    In a healthy response to pain and fear, we establish awareness before it becomes anger. We can train ourselves to notice the gap between the moments of sense experience and the subsequent response. Because of the particle-like nature of consciousness, we can enter the space between instinct and action, between impulse and reaction. To do so we must learn to tolerate our pain and fear. This is not easy. As James Baldwin put it, “Most people discover that when hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with their own pain.” That’s why we start by paying attention to small things, small pains and disappointments.

    We must learn the difference between reaction and response. When we’re in a hurry and the toast burns, we can react by fuming or hitting the counter, or we can feel our frustration and put in another piece of bread. When someone cuts us off in traffic, we can angrily retaliate by racing up to them shouting, trying to get back at them, or we can breathe and let it go. When we are criticized, when we are betrayed, we don’t have to reinforce the pain of the situation by adding to the pain with our reaction.


    Continues at this link...


    Any comments in connection with the article?


  2. #2
    Forums Member daverupa's Avatar
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    It's helpful to learn the distinction between primary and secondary emotions. Anger is a secondary one, while e.g. fear is primary. Here's a good summary:

    https://cornercanyoncounseling.com/w...y-Emotions.pdf

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    Forums Member Olderon's Avatar
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    My greatest difficulty seems to be with those, who treat me with disrespect when I am tired or in some elevated degree of physical pain. My reflex reaction seems to be some mode of pouting or sarcastic verbal behavior, or verbal fisticuffs. This seems to be especially true with my wife, or adult children and even more so when I sense personal feelings of humiliation.

    After many years of reflection I have concluded that this (of course) goes back to my personal delusion of self, which is considered vulnerable to varied forms of mistreatment.

    Harmony quickly returns when I remember that any permanent or induring "self" is indeed a delusion.

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    Forums Member Genecanuck's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by daverupa View Post
    It's helpful to learn the distinction between primary and secondary emotions. Anger is a secondary one, while e.g. fear is primary. Here's a good summary:

    https://cornercanyoncounseling.com/w...y-Emotions.pdf
    Daverupa,

    Thank you for sharing this excellent article about primary and secondary emotions. One of the best Community Youth Workers' I worked with always use to say that the other side of hurt is anger. I like what Jack Kornfield is saying in his article. If we are aware of what we are feeling, we get to decide how we respond and avoid piling on additional pain, causing increased suffering (the secondary emotion).

    And thanks for starting this thread Aloka.

    Regards

    Gene

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