Thread: What should I be feeling?

  1. #1
    Forums Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2012

    What should I be feeling?

    I have recently helped a friend out by passing on knowledge that I myself was using. My friend has used the knowledge successfully and has now been given the summer of a lifetime. I too was successful but did not get what I was looking for. (We are helping children in america) I am feeling a small amount of bitterness and resentment to my friends happiness as I am unhappy with my position and would have preferred theirs. It is taring me up and I find it difficult to shake these feelings. I may be forced to cancel the trip to America as well, losing deposits in the process. I should be thinking about abandoning the material possessions which I am getting good at but I am more distressed over not having the opportunity to work with the children. I also understand that my friends happiness should be happiness for me as well but I am struggling to grasp this reality.

    Your time and any advice is much appreciated! :)

  2. #2
    Forums Member Trilaksana's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Long Branch, NJ USA
    I think maybe you expect too much of yourself. You need to be able to accept the way that you currently feel about your friend. It's not that you shouldn't want to improve your attitude towards your friend but that in order to do so you need to understand where you are now. So take a look at yourself and observe how you feel about your friend. While you may not be perfect (none of us are) you must already have some compassion for your friend otherwise you wouldn't be posting this.

  3. #3
    Forums Member Element's Avatar

    As you can recognise yourself, your mind is certainly suffering from envy.

    Buddha taught the antidote to envy is appreciative joy (mudita).

    Develop the meditation of appreciation [mudita]. For when you are developing the meditation of appreciation, resentment [envy] will be abandoned.

    MN 62
    Mudita means appreciative joy at the success and good fortune of others.

    The Heart Awakened
    When you helped your friend, you were motived by the good feelings of being generous & helpful to your friend.

    I would also suggest to return to those original feelings.

    Sabbe sattå sukhitå hontu
    May I & all beings be joyful.

    Sabbe sattå sukha attåna pariharantu
    May I & all beings preserve their well-being.

    Sabbe sattå addhasampattito må vigacchantu
    May I & all beings not be parted from the good fortune they have attained.

    Sabbe sattå sabbadukkhå pamuccantu
    May I & all beings be released from all forms of Dukkha.


  4. #4
    Global Moderator Esho's Avatar
    Under the Bodhi Tree

    Maybe you will feel better if you think in terms of having given your friend something marvellous that beautified his life. If perhaps there is something really of yours, when you teach something, that something is no more 'yours'. It becomes for everybody and that is beautiful.

    Last edited by Esho; 28 Jan 14 at 00:19.

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