Thread: A sort of introduction

  1. #1
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    A sort of introduction



    It seems almost trivial to come here and say, "I am not sure where to go. Look where I have been and tell me where I should go." It seems that every year there is a new challenge to face, and the challenges sometimes don't end from one year to the next. I'm not unique in that I'm sure.

    I lost my mother this year among other family. As painful as death is, it is even stronger when you see someone you love unexpectedly taken. Death has changed my perspective and desire to live more fully. This has been the most arduous and emotionally upsetting event I might ever have experienced. And by luck, I think I have made it through the mist. Although I don't take any prescribed medication I have been helped by some supplements, which in some way I owe my life to. I practice breathing exercises once in a while, which have also been relief in times of anxiety. I practice in my own way -- it could be much better I know. I also have been dealing with a man that has blackmailed and coerced me into what he calls 'friendship', even though I have asked him to leave me alone he is strongly attached to me (despite me not wanting much to do with him). It's a constant battle with him, though I am not as strongly affected as I was before. I'm reminded of the story of the Scorpion and the Sage in dealing with him, but the only problem is that I am not much of a sage. I wonder at what point the Sage finally relents and flees the Scorpion.

    I wonder if I should not go and do something else, radically live in some way to get to the marrow of what I am missing. I have studied a lot about Buddhism and the way of Zen. I have studied a lot about Taoism. I have read many books about these ways, but I admit that I don't know very much. It could be that reading so much has made me even more blind to exactly what any of it is. If I want to find peace like the Buddha, then maybe it is only right to leave everything like the Buddha did. It would be a lie to say that this way would not also be an escape for me. I want to flee everything. Even though I have less fear, I guess I am rightly still afraid of life, of living, of uncertainty. Is it possible to leave everything and take up life again?

    I consider taking some sort of journey, whether it be by foot or some other means. Maybe joining a monastery if at all possible. Some sort spur in my side to awaken another layer of being. To put out the fire in my head and move past these ways of seeing the world. Life snaps itself in front of your eyes so quickly. How can you really live completely?

    Well, that's my introduction if you can call it that. I hope that in my time here I can learn from the people here. I plan to visit some nature this weekend, hopefully to get back to some roots in my mind and cut some of the weeds away.

  2. #2
    Hello Ponyo

    Thank you for your introduction and welcome to BWB !

    with kind wishes

    Aloka

  3. #3
    Forums Member Trilaksana's Avatar
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    Welcome Ponyo!

    Quote Originally Posted by Ponyo View Post
    : If I want to find peace like the Buddha, then maybe it is only right to leave everything like the Buddha did. It would be a lie to say that this way would not also be an escape for me. I want to flee everything. Even though I have less fear, I guess I am rightly still afraid of life, of living, of uncertainty. Is it possible to leave everything and take up life again?
    Buddhism is not about running away from things. If you feel the need to flee and avoid then they have control over you. If you can be accepting of everything then you can be happy whether you flee or not.

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    Well, I know it was not the most exemplary moment of the Buddha's life. However, I am not sure there is another option than this. It's almost like a second chance at life. I don't know, I guess there may not be any wisdom in it, but it's how I have felt for some time. A transformative phase in life maybe requiring a lot of change. I suppose the best I can do at this time is try to be present in each moment, which is not easy task, but I am getting a little better with time.

    Thank you both for the welcome :)

  5. #5
    Forums Member Element's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ponyo View Post
    : If I want to find peace like the Buddha, then maybe it is only right to leave everything like the Buddha did. It would be a lie to say that this way would not also be an escape for me. I want to flee everything. Even though I have less fear, I guess I am rightly still afraid of life, of living, of uncertainty. Is it possible to leave everything and take up life again?
    welcome from me also, Ponyo

    i started learning about Buddhist practise by doing some meditation retreats in a monastery. a period of training in a meditation centre or monastery can help us get grounded in the basics

    kind regards


  6. #6
    Forums Member fletcher's Avatar
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    Ponyo

    Welcome, I have no advice to offer, just metta.
    Remember you are not alone, we are all one.

    Gassho
    Gary

  7. #7
    Forums Member dharmamom's Avatar
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    Welcome, Ponyo!
    It's not by fleeing that you'll find yourself, but maybe you need some changes. A journey or joining a monastery for some practices might be helpful, but don't do anything dramatic until you find your sealegs again.
    Sorry about your mum! Death is always a blow, especially when we lose someone as important as the person who gave you life!
    BE A LAMP ONTO YOURSELF

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