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Thread: Relationships and Buddhism

  1. #1
    Forums Member plogsties's Avatar
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    Realizing the impermanence, is a love relationship/attachment always considered unskillful behavior? Can enlightenment occur if one has such a relationship?

    For those of us who have such a relationship, does its existence cause discomfort and ambivalence, assuming there is no aspiration to becoming a monk?

  2. #2
    Forums Member Element's Avatar
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    Hello Plogsties

    Your concerns did not arise in the Nakula Sutta.

    Kind regards



  3. #3
    Forums Member Snowmelt's Avatar
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    My own view on this is that you should not be concerned that relationships are incompatible with the highest aspirations of the Dhamma. The Dhamma puts relationships into perspective, makes them lighter and therefore more enjoyable, and any commitment required becomes easier to provide.

  4. #4
    Forums Member plogsties's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Element
    Hello Plogsties

    Your concerns did not arise in the Nakula Sutta.

    Do you mean by this that such attachment need not be a concern?

    Kind regards



  5. #5
    Administrator Aloka's Avatar
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    Do you mean by this that such attachment need not be a concern?

    Hi Plogsties dear,

    You appear to have made a mistake and written your above question to Element inside his quote.


    Aloka

  6. #6
    Global Moderator Esho's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Snowmelt
    My own view on this is that you should not be concerned that relationships are incompatible with the highest aspirations of the Tamma. The Dhamma puts relationships into perspective, makes them lighter and therefore more enjoyable, and any commitment required becomes easier to provide.
    Yes, and I feel that there is a lot of Dharma learning through a relationship like the practice of the four Bramha Vijaras...




  7. #7
    Forums Member Snowmelt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kaarine Alejandra
    Yes, and I feel that there is a lot of Dharma learning through a relationship like the practice of the four Bramha Vijaras...

  8. #8
    Forums Member Snowmelt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by plogsties
    Do you mean by this that such attachment need not be a concern?
    My view is that such attachment need not be a concern at all. I think it would be an error to think that one cannot have the full range of normal human relationships as well as follow the Dhamma with commitment. As one penetrates the Dhamma more deeply, one's view of relationships and their meaning will change: they become a phenomenon within the Dhamma, a secondary phenomenon of life under the umbrella of the Dhamma. If you are attached to a person or to a relationship, this attachment will weaken as you penetrate the Dhamma more deeply. That does not mean that the relationship itself will weaken, though it may alter in character, becoming freer for both of you.

  9. #9
    Global Moderator Esho's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Snowmelt
    this attachment will weaken as you penetrate the Dhamma more deeply. That does not mean that the relationship itself will weaken, though it may alter in character, becoming freer for both of you.
    Yes of course...! and when attachments weakens there is room to know how truly is your relationship in a way that you and the other are together just because... and not because of something [an attachment, gross of subtle]. This is the only way to see clearly, with an awakened mind and deeply into the person with which you are together. Also this weakening of attachment makes Dharma practice deeply and much real.







  10. #10
    Forums Member Snowmelt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kaarine Alejandra
    Yes of course...! and when attachments weakens there is room to know how truly is your relationship in a way that you and the other are together just because... and not because of something [an attachment, gross of subtle]. This is the only way to see clearly, with an awakened mind and deeply into the person with which you are together. Also this weakening of attachment makes Dharma practice deeply and much real.
    The logical conclusion of this process is that you don't *need* the person. You will be happy to see them, but not upset when they leave. Without need, there is no jealousy. Your own company will be quite sufficient to make you happy. You will be your own best friend.

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