dagon
18 May 16, 01:06
Unimportant details have been changed as I am somewhat constrained by the confidentiality requirements of my employment. I work in age care and provide care for sick and frail elderly people whose care needs cannot be met in their own homes. Some of the people I work with I have known for more than 5 years so I know a lot about them, their history and their families. Needless to say what I have seen and heard inform and influence my beliefs.
The question is often raised in the case of people who go out and achieve material success and apparent happiness.
One of the people that I provided care for was an elderly man whose passion in life was the accumulation of wealth. He was reasonably successful owning a number of shopping centres, a residential property portfolio, many shares and very substantial deposits in a number of banks. Clearly in the top 1% of wealth holders!
One of the other residents (an old lady who had been married to a tradesman for 73 years) asked me why this man was always calling out in total anguish when he was so wealthy. Unfortunately I could not answer the question to her and I doubt that she would have understood (because she was such a kind and generous person).
When the old man came in he had already had both lost the use of both legs starting to suffer from a number of other medical conditions. Because he was so attached to his money he refused to pay for care, doctors of medications. As a result of which the family sought and were given guardianship over his affairs. Whenever family members came in they were abused and accused of stealing his money. Needless to say less and less visits happened; family would come and ask us what he needed and met any and every request (but they would not go to see him). He would call out and say that he was a rich man and he could not be treated this way. He would try and climb out of his day bed to “walk” to the bank because he wanted to know how much of “his” money had been stolen. I guess we used to pick him up off the floor about 20 times a day. Medication could not control his “pain”; it is the worst death I have seen.
In contrast the “poor” old lady that had asked about him was visited daily by family with homemade cakes and taken out on trips at least 3 times a week. Everyone loved her (I wish she had been my grandmother) and she care for everyone. The last intentional action of her life was to ask me to give her last slice of cake to the lady down the corridor (she knew this lady was deliberately starving herself to death but could not resist the cake. The cake donor had a massive stoke within minutes and died after having visits from more than 100 family and friends.
In the 7 years in the work place I have seen people grieve about every possible relationship, possession and attribute they had, or believed they had. Regardless of the subject of the grief in every case the suffering from the grief was more intense than the pleasure they had enjoyed. In life suffering comes from what we grasp at - getting what attracts us, escaping what is our aversion or suffering from the identification with a self. What we often forget is that happiness is impermanent so even where we have had happiness from what attracts us it is not ours – and we normally pay the price in grief when we lose it. We do not own happiness – we rent it.
metta
dagon
The question is often raised in the case of people who go out and achieve material success and apparent happiness.
One of the people that I provided care for was an elderly man whose passion in life was the accumulation of wealth. He was reasonably successful owning a number of shopping centres, a residential property portfolio, many shares and very substantial deposits in a number of banks. Clearly in the top 1% of wealth holders!
One of the other residents (an old lady who had been married to a tradesman for 73 years) asked me why this man was always calling out in total anguish when he was so wealthy. Unfortunately I could not answer the question to her and I doubt that she would have understood (because she was such a kind and generous person).
When the old man came in he had already had both lost the use of both legs starting to suffer from a number of other medical conditions. Because he was so attached to his money he refused to pay for care, doctors of medications. As a result of which the family sought and were given guardianship over his affairs. Whenever family members came in they were abused and accused of stealing his money. Needless to say less and less visits happened; family would come and ask us what he needed and met any and every request (but they would not go to see him). He would call out and say that he was a rich man and he could not be treated this way. He would try and climb out of his day bed to “walk” to the bank because he wanted to know how much of “his” money had been stolen. I guess we used to pick him up off the floor about 20 times a day. Medication could not control his “pain”; it is the worst death I have seen.
In contrast the “poor” old lady that had asked about him was visited daily by family with homemade cakes and taken out on trips at least 3 times a week. Everyone loved her (I wish she had been my grandmother) and she care for everyone. The last intentional action of her life was to ask me to give her last slice of cake to the lady down the corridor (she knew this lady was deliberately starving herself to death but could not resist the cake. The cake donor had a massive stoke within minutes and died after having visits from more than 100 family and friends.
In the 7 years in the work place I have seen people grieve about every possible relationship, possession and attribute they had, or believed they had. Regardless of the subject of the grief in every case the suffering from the grief was more intense than the pleasure they had enjoyed. In life suffering comes from what we grasp at - getting what attracts us, escaping what is our aversion or suffering from the identification with a self. What we often forget is that happiness is impermanent so even where we have had happiness from what attracts us it is not ours – and we normally pay the price in grief when we lose it. We do not own happiness – we rent it.
metta
dagon