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Molly
12 May 14, 21:06
Hello Folks and thank you to anyone taking the time to read this.
This is quite a complicated one, so I will try to explain my concerns as clearly as possible, but bare with me!

I have a dear friend who i have been growing closer to for the last year. We voiced our love for each other one night on the phone, when he rang me to say a biopsy which had recently been performed showed cancerous cells ( he has overcome cancer twice before, but lives with chronic pain and some very heavy medication to get by). It was the easiest thing for me to tell him I love him, facing that news it seemed crazy to be scared of spoiling a good friendship.

I didn't see him for a week, but I entered a deep place of sending love and compassion with the hope of easing his suffering.
When we finally did meet it was just lovely - we didn't touch each other, but both felt so close...We are very similar in our outlooks, but I am more earthy whilst he lives more in his head.

Now, this man is the most wonderful soul I could ever meet. He has practised Buddhism and meditation for years, been on retreats, but what I first noticed about him is the lovely man he is; kind, deep thinking and profound.

A few days later we did touch...It was... well, he was convulsing,boiling hot, animal and not at all in charge of his body, very sexual (which I don't think he is due to the medication).His reaction was intense, at first i sort of laughed, but now it feels... i don't want to say wrong, but close to it. Like I am an animal in season and the fact that I'm not in the same frame of mind doesn't make any difference and I believe that he can't help this.

I am confused and overwhelmed. It has been the same ever since. Just a close hug brings about this reaction. He feels that I am Vajrayogini and has me up on this pedestal. A friend of his has told him she normally appears at the end of your life. So I am worried.

Did I open something up by sending my love to him? What form of delusion is this? I am secretly worried - he has dropped so much weight he is nearly skeletal. Am I draining him? Helping him? Has anyone ever had or heard of an experience like this before?

I'm sorry the content is of this nature and I feel like I haven't really explained myself very well. We talk about everything (although I haven't said how poorly he seems to me) and neither of us know what is going on. I can't say I feel the same and I haven't got a chance to really because his need for me makes me feel motherly rather than anything else.

Well, thank you so much for reading and if anyone knows how I can calm things down ( have I opened myself up too much?) I would be so grateful to hear from you.

Aloka
12 May 14, 22:00
I am confused and overwhelmed. It has been the same ever since. Just a close hug brings about this reaction. He feels that I am Vajrayogini and has me up on this pedestal. A friend of his has told him she normally appears at the end of your life. So I am worried.

Hello and welcome, Molly.

I'm very sorry about your friend's illness.

However, speaking from a woman's point of view regarding what you have said, I would be cautious about your physical contact with this man if he doesn't appear to have much self-control. As for him feeling that you are Vajrayogini, it sounds like a fantasy he's having .

When I used to be involved with Tibetan Buddhism, I was once hotly pursued by another student who told me he regarded me as his yidam (meditational deity) Tara - and it was clearly just a seduction chat-up line.


A friend of his has told him she normally appears at the end of your life

I've not heard that before.

There's some information about Vajrayogini here:

http://rywiki.tsadra.org/index.php/vajrayogini

(I think its worth remembering that the historical Buddha didn't tell people to do deity practices, they were a later development in the version of Buddhism which arose in Tibet.)

I don't really feel that I can comment any further than I have done.

Hope things work out well for you, Molly.

Kind regards,

Aloka :hands:

Sea Turtle
13 May 14, 01:40
Hi Molly,

Nice to meet you. ;D

Wow, this sounds like an intense situation, eh? Your words here caught my attention:


I can't say I feel the same and I haven't got a chance to really because his need for me makes me feel motherly rather than anything else.

Despite the confusion and sense of overwhelm, you have stated clearly where you are coming from here: you don't reciprocate these intense feelings. From what you've written, you are quite uneasy.

Only you can know how best handle this. Perhaps things would become more clear if you were to take a couple of steps back and get some breathing room and perspective? The intensity of the situation has clouded things quite a bit.

Your friend's illness is fueling the intensity here, so perhaps it would help to quietly reflect on how you would be proceeding in all this if he hadn't gotten the diagnosis.

Really hope things become more settled for you quickly.

Kind wishes to you,
Sea Turtle
:hands:

P.S.: I have also never heard anything about Vajrayogini appearing to indicate death.