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Butterfly girl
04 Feb 14, 19:25
I dont no were to post this, I'm new to Buddhism and trying so hard to be more understanding kind and patient and better person but I my daughter who is 30 is so abusive to her kids,(she's had 2removed already) and everyone else but I get the brunt of everything, she's a alcoholic, over the yrs she's warn me down im in bad health on oxygen, I want to be there for her and try understand she's got psycological problems but don't no how much I shud take before I say enoughs enough but would that make me a failure at been a mum and at been a better person how much suffering shudder I take. It's effecting my healthdoes the Buddhist way accept sometimes you shud I walk away.

Aloka
04 Feb 14, 19:47
I'm new to Buddhism and trying so hard to be more understanding kind and patient and better person but I my daughter who is 30 is so abusive to her kids,(she's had 2removed already) and everyone else but I get the brunt of everything, she's a alcoholic, over the yrs she's warn me down im in bad health on oxygen, I want to be there for her and try understand she's got psycological problems but don't no how much I shud take before I say enoughs enough

Welcome Butterfly girl,

I'm really sorry about your difficulties and I think you should talk in confidence to your GP about your problems, to see if its possible for you to get some counselling and support.

With kind wishes,

Aloka :hands:

Butterfly girl
05 Feb 14, 01:33
Thank you for your advice idoes buddhism accept you sometimes have to walk away from a situation like this or would I be failing as a Buddhist by doing so? What is the correct Buddhist way of dealing with situations like this. I'm still very new at this I'm still on my first book x

Aloka
05 Feb 14, 09:24
Hi Buttterfly girl,

Buddhism teaches non-harming, loving kindness/goodwill towards others (including animals) and forgiveness.

It also teaches that the cause of discontent/suffering is attachment (clinging).

However it doesn't mean that we should necessarily accept abusive situations.

I'm sorry but I can't comment further on the situation between your daughter and yourself, because I don't know either of you . It also sounds to me as if your daughter is very unhappy and can't cope either. This is why I suggested getting some professional help and talking in confidence to your GP concerning ways forward with your own health and the situation for both of you. I do hope it improves.

Wishing you good health and happiness,

With metta,

Aloka :hands:

Element
05 Feb 14, 11:21
Hello Bgirl

Buddha taught we can have three types of children: (i) more advanced spiritually; (ii) equally spiritually; (iii) less advanced spiritually, than us.

Thus, there is no need to blame ourselves if our children have problems we cannot help them with; particularly today, when there is so much education & professional help available. Buddha taught each human being must help themselves & also taught we should try to help others when it does not harm our self.

If your daughter has addiction issues then you are not failing as a Buddhist or mother if you disengage. I stopped trying to help a cousin when I realised her addiction was too great & she was still delighting in her indulgence, not yet recognising she had a problem.

Often, the best we can do is let someone know we will be there for them if they need us. As a mother this probably hurts you a lot but you are aging, like all of us, and developing peace & non-stress is important.

With metta

Element

Butterfly girl
05 Feb 14, 14:42
Thank you very much I think just knowing I'm allowed to break free from the abuse makes me feel carmer inside. I understandable the Dr part but they don't give help for problems like this without paying a counselor myself,

thank you element also, I will still leave the door open but cant carry on with this mental torture, she takes advantage of my personality and her knowing im always there to be abused, she's so much stronger than me, thanyou both so much for bothering to reply and am really looking forward to learning about Buddhism on here xxx

Element
05 Feb 14, 20:51
You're welcome. my cousin got so bad that her mother (who has never hesitated to give her anything in her life) had to call the police to evict my cousin from her house.

Then my cousin was demanding of my mother that she live at my mother's house & I had to explain to my mother we cannot help her. but, my cousin's mother recently passed away so I attempted to convince my cousin to enter rehab, rather than to snort her very large inheritance up her nose but she is convinced rehab won't work for her.

An individual with addiction must first act, themselves, to want to change.

Best wishes,

Element