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View Full Version : Speaking in a clear voice?



JDW
08 Jan 14, 22:53
Its like I've got this brilliant clear natural voice but I lose it and fall into this really unclear voice that I have no confidence in at all. It's like I know I can speak really easily and clearly without strain or difficulty. However I practically always have spoken in this voice that doesn't feel right, nobody understands me 30% of the time and feels really forced and pressured.

When I'm speaking like this, it makes me feel so self-conscious and when people ask me to repeat myself I get angry inside because it takes so much effort speaking like this. It shouldn't feel that way though, I should be able to project my voice naturally whilst doing handstands and push ups, you get the point.

An amazing thing happened not so long ago, I recorded myself on many occasions because I found it helped with my self-development as a person. It ended up being just something to do for fun and maybe a reassurance, safety blanket I could use when I felt really bad or needed to get something off my mind. Well I was recording once and I was speaking into the camera and I remember saying: Wow I spend so much time thinking about how my voice sounds, adjusting it consciously all the time so I don't sound like this or that. So I decided to "just speak" and let it out how I wanted too not how I thought everyone else wanted to hear me sound or how I would sound the best. I just spoke in a way which felt pleasurable for me, in a way this lead me to being able to reduce my self-consciousness on my voice by at least 70% and therefore free up so much mental energy and making me super energetic.

For the next 3 days I was over the moon with happiness, at the time I was living in a mess on a military base. I suffered serious anxiety and I think majority of it was because I was so inside my head and self conscious because of my voice issue. Which let me say is so hard to explain to people, people just don't understand what I'm trying to tell them and I think its because I find it hard to explain to my self. All I know is I've got a voice like everybody else that shouldn't be difficult to use, it should be easy and fun. Anyway back on the 3 days, I was so confident, I was speaking without thinking about how I sounded, I just knew I sounded great now anyway that was the irony, I sounded a MILLION times better when I stopped trying to sound perfect or come across a certain way. Most importantly I was speaking at ease, it was pleasureable to speak and it was CLEAR, crystal clear. I was just getting on with my days with so much more ease and confidence, I was speaking much more, asking questions, not being afraid to fail in anything I did, just being my self.

Then something happened, I had a mental issue which concerns certain intrusive thoughts (OCD) but I don't want to talk about that. To say it stopped my progress full on is an understatement, anyway these thoughts completely blew me of my road of progress. I'm now at a stage where the thoughts no longer bother me to such an extreme extent that I was afraid to speak, I know much more about how to deal with OCD thoughts of the nature I was having.

So, its funny because I still have the recordings of when I went from my unclear voice I'd been using for so many years to a dramatic and amazing switch to this natural voice I like to call it. So I tried looking back at them and trying to understand how I made the switch but I really am not 100 percent sure how on earth I did it. All I know is its not just in my mind and I can speak clearly and I just think I don't, I know there is a MASSIVE difference between my unclear and naturally clear voice.

I'm going to carry on searching for the answer again but I decided to post this on this forum because I think the Buddhist community are very wise to say the very least. Maybe somebody can relate or understand this in a helpful way, I would love any comment from you guys and hope somebody can give me some advice and their opinion on this.

Am I thinking too much about how I sound, should I drop all this conscious effort to have this natural voice back at my vocals? I know that at the moment I'm afraid to speak or leave the house at times because I have such a low confidence in my voice, speaking on the phone and conversing with people in general causes major anxiety. Its like living without a voice, sure people can hear me if I raise my voice (which is like shouting to my vocal chords) or repeat myself 2-5 times but the mental energy and the self-consciousness and avoidance of saying anything at all this causes is not a life I want to live, my self esteem just hits bottom and I need to find my voice again that is there just waiting to be used.