View Full Version : Buddhist secrets for everlasting love
I found this article from the Bangkok post and I wondered if anyone would like to make any comments about it. Is "everlasting love" possible ? What do you think?
Buddhist secrets for everlasting love
Nash Siamwalla looks into Buddhist teaching that will guarantee couples everlasting love
- Bangkok, Thailand -- Buddhist secrets for everlasting love. Sounds too good to be true? Not at all. Lord Buddha himself gave these tips in the following story that is retold in the Pali Canon's Samajivita Sutta.
Once during Lord Buddha's time, there was a loving merchant couple by the name of Nakul who invited Lord Buddha to receive alms and preach at their home. Throughout their life, they had been perfectly devoted to each other, never once being dishonest or going astray. Wanting to be together forever in perfect bliss, both in the present life and ever after, they asked Lord Buddha:
"Dear Lord, since our youth, we have been perfectly devoted to each other. Never once did our minds stray. We wish to remain in this loving bliss forever both in this present lifetime and all the future lifetimes. Please, Lord, tell us what we have to do."
Hearing their question, Lord Buddha answered: "Nakuls, if husband and wife wish to be together in loving bliss both in this lifetime and the lives after, they should endeavour to achieve the same level of faith, morality, generosity and wisdom. They should also be modest, live by the Dhamma, and converse with loving words. They should also never have ill-will towards each other. If they can practice this, they will enjoy the worldly pleasure and happiness together, both in this life and in Heaven."
The first part of Lord Buddha's teaching is called Samajividhamma 4 which is sometimes known as "the qualities which make a couple well-matched". If you do not have that special someone in your life yet, Samajividhamma 4 will serve as a fool-proof guideline for you in finding someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with.
If you are already in a relationship and want to make it last in a loving bliss, this timeless advice of Lord Buddha is also useful.
continued :http://www.buddhistchannel.tv/index.php?id=8,9669,0,0,1,0
...the same level of faith, morality, generosity and wisdom...
With the above dhammas (and with being made from plastic), everlasting love is possible.
:flower:
http://i52.tinypic.com/a23rlx.jpg
everlasting love is possible.
http://www.buddhismwithoutboundaries.com/dazz/barbie_munsters.jpg
And they lived happily ever after ... ;D
KoolAid900
14 Nov 10, 04:19
huh, not so much.
OpenMindedGirl
25 Nov 10, 14:49
Isn't the whole idea of Buddhism not to try to cling to people? Why then would you want to ensure everlasting love?
Isn't the whole idea of Buddhism not to try to cling to people? Why then would you want to ensure everlasting love?
Correct however not everyone can accept and realize non-attachment. Therefore the Buddha also gave teachings to lay people that, while involved in attachment, can at least help them lead a relatively happy life
P.S. I clicked on modify on your post by accident, havent changed anything though ;)
Isn't the whole idea of Buddhism not to try to cling to people? Why then would you want to ensure everlasting love?
I feel you on that one. I've been in a relationship now for over six years, and we're still not in the WE MUST BE TOGETHER FOREVER OR IT HAS ALL BEEN FOR NAUGHT phase. At this point I'm not sure it'll happen. I think that the best way (from a certain Buddhist perspective) to be in a committed relationship could be to say, "We're together and happy now. How can we ensure that we appreciate the moments that we are having and the opportunities for growth this is offering us?" That way there's no potential tricky bit where the worth of the relationship is placed in hopes for the future or attachment to the past rather than in the experience in this moment.
That's how I feel on it, anyway. What self-control and mindfulness I have learned, I've learned from having somebody in my life that I love enough to want to be good to, and give to, and who fills my life with easy opportunities to make myself someone I'm proud of. Even if we're not together FOREVER AND EVER, I'll still at least not have wasted these moments.
Buddha isn't wrong here on some of the important compatibility factors for a couple, but you're totally correct that it's a little strange to approach the Buddha to ask how to maintain an attachment for all eternity... and odder still for him to offer assistance.
OpenMindedGirl
26 Nov 10, 18:10
Isn't the whole idea of Buddhism not to try to cling to people? Why then would you want to ensure everlasting love?
I feel you on that one. I've been in a relationship now for over six years, and we're still not in the WE MUST BE TOGETHER FOREVER OR IT HAS ALL BEEN FOR NAUGHT phase. At this point I'm not sure it'll happen. I think that the best way (from a certain Buddhist perspective) to be in a committed relationship could be to say, "We're together and happy now. How can we ensure that we appreciate the moments that we are having and the opportunities for growth this is offering us?" That way there's no potential tricky bit where the worth of the relationship is placed in hopes for the future or attachment to the past rather than in the experience in this moment.
That's how I feel on it, anyway. What self-control and mindfulness I have learned, I've learned from having somebody in my life that I love enough to want to be good to, and give to, and who fills my life with easy opportunities to make myself someone I'm proud of. Even if we're not together FOREVER AND EVER, I'll still at least not have wasted these moments.
Buddha isn't wrong here on some of the important compatibility factors for a couple, but you're totally correct that it's a little strange to approach the Buddha to ask how to maintain an attachment for all eternity... and odder still for him to offer assistance.
My lovely boyfriend and I have been in that stage, and I'm slowly trying to pull us out of it. I'm constantly reminding him that we're each separate and whole people. No matter how much I love him, I do not need him to complete me.
londonerabroad
27 Nov 10, 04:04
The Dalai Lama advises that when there are disputes in a relationship to deal with the current situation and not to bring up the past. He further advises that a relationship should be based on giving not just getting something from it.
Dear OpenMindedGirl you should not scold your partner by constantly reminding him of what you want or need and what is good for you - rather look at what you can bring to the relationship and show concern over whether he is happy or not.
londonerabroad
27 Nov 10, 04:19
Difference between Men's brain and women's brain (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90utDTRCDDg#)
Dear OpenMindedGirl you should not scold your partner by constantly reminding him of what you want or need and what is good for you - rather look at what you can bring to the relationship and show concern over whether he is happy or not.
And how is he supposed to do his job and be concerned over her happiness if he's expected to read her mind? I'm going to respectfully disagree here and say that each partner honestly communicating his or her needs is a vital part of making sure everybody is aware of the dynamics at work in the here and now, and is the responsibility of each partner. Part of being in a relationship is being mindful of each other. If I am not forthright about what my needs are, I am creating extra work for my partner, and I see no real reason to do that.
True, the relationship should not be centered on the needs of only one of its members, but considering the other person's needs and never articulating one's own is a recipe for passive-aggressive behavior and a martyr mindset that helps no one in the end.
londonerabroad
27 Nov 10, 06:04
The answer to how he is to do his job and be concerned over her happiness is largely answered at the beginning of a relationship when partners choose each other. In today's fast food and fast this and that people often forget to take care when entering a relationship that one's motivations are at least similar to the prospective partner. For a Buddhist a somewhat spiritual or at least non-materialistic approach is required of both partners and the potential for this should be sought for at the beginning.
OpenMindedGirl
27 Nov 10, 17:27
The Dalai Lama advises that when there are disputes in a relationship to deal with the current situation and not to bring up the past. He further advises that a relationship should be based on giving not just getting something from it.
Dear OpenMindedGirl you should not scold your partner by constantly reminding him of what you want or need and what is good for you - rather look at what you can bring to the relationship and show concern over whether he is happy or not.
I don't scold him constantly. I wouldn't call it scolding it all. I merely kiss his cheek and remind him that if anything were to happen to me, he'd be okay, because I'd want him to live happily with or without me.
londonerabroad
28 Nov 10, 04:16
Thanks for the explanation OpenMindedGirl - I wish you all the best. Love vs attachment is a very big issue in Buddhism. A partner should benefit from being involved with a Buddhist, as anyone should. I think the way a Buddhist loves is to constantly offer everything without a thought of getting anything in return. But then I am a Mahayana Buddhist - all tied up with generating Bodhicitta and the like. I hope you'll find something precious in Buddhism and settle on the school that suits you. What Buddhist centers are available in your area?
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