I seek some peace

[viveknz76]

Hi,

I have been reading on buddhism a lot lately since I seek some peace in my life.

I don't think that my life is necessarily bad but it lacks simplicity and peace. I know that perhaps I need to meditate that I am not doing at all. I also need to join sangha.

But I think it would be great to get some valuable advise from the forum.

1. We have a son and my in-laws love to spend time with him. What it means for me is that they are at our place 3 out of 7 days which include weekends. The only time I get to spend time with my wife and son is if I plan a trip away from the house and not include in-laws.

2. My mother has allergies and lives in India. While we chat every weekend through Skype but she insists that I call her on phone. I know what she wants to discuss as she fears that my in-laws spending too much time with our son might affect their bonding with him especially when he only gets them to meet him once every couple of years. They cannot travel due to age and illness to NZ. I have had similar conversations in the past and hence I avoid any similar conversations as it disturbs me.

I am looking for a path that will give me some peace.

Help!

[Element]

Hello and welcome Vivek,

I don't live in NZ myself but our Global Moderator Goofaholix does and perhaps he will be able to give you some suggestions in this thread.

Kind regards

Element

:hands:

[Goofaholix]

I think you are lucky coming from a culture where the extended family is the norm. In western families often parents get much less support from grandparents in raising children, sometimes none.

Sometimes you just have to take a bit of meddling with the help, just set some boundaries and setup some time apart.

A lot of immigrant families have grandparents back home, they come and make the most of the opportunities to visit each other, presumably having the chance to live and work overseas is worthwhile for you but there are sacrifices.

[freedom]

Dear Vivek,
First of all you must consider yourself a very lucky person because the circumstances in your life have made you turn to the dhamma. Though many people have problems like yours only a handful will seek solace in the buddha dhamma which is the surest method to find lasting peace.

What you are experiencing is just one aspect of the first noble truth of suffering that buddha spoke about..suffering that arises from having to be with poeple we dislike and the suffering of having to be away from poeple we like..you must be wise enough to take a step back and look to understand that the root of your suffering is the bonds that you have made in the past..thats the second noble truth right there..attachment causing suffering. Now this does not mean that you have to leave ur family or not have kids in the future! no its not that simple! You have to learn to look at all problems in life as part of a bigger problem of samsara caused by the attachments you have made..temporary solutions are only plasters and dont prevent the recurrence of similar or different problems..

So what the answer...mindfulness and compassion..very simple but easier said than done. Sitting down and meditating may help for the time you are sitting but what about the rest of 23 and half hours in the day. Mindfulness-- learn to watch your mind during all the ups and downs of the day. If something your relatives say or do makes u upset then notice 'here im upset'..and let it be.dont try to push it or fight it...you will notice that it disappears..watch how all thoughts and feelings arise..last for a bit and then disappear..the more you do this the better u will get at it.whatever u experience say to urself 'this too is passing' this is a very powerful practice..because u are starting to look at the most fundamental reality of all existence--impermanance (anicca).gradually u will find a distance between the thoughts, feeling and you who experiences them..this is the beginning of true detachment ..not running away to a forest!. In addition to this, practice kindness and compassion towards those you dislike and focus on their good things..Become friends with all painful experiences and embrace them with compassion....

If you can stick to this you will notice miracles in your life..all these problems will disappear at the internal as well as external level..Have have faith in the buddhas method and stick to the practice..
I highly recommend listening to talks by ajhan brahm on you tube..they will boost your practice..
best of luck