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ripemango
25 Oct 12, 01:43
This will prob come off as being silly and vain, but I would still appreciate some guidance concerning this.
There is a group of people I interact with professionally and I'm not as popular as other members of the group. I know it shouldn't bother me, but it does. I don't plan on making attempts to be more popular in the group, but I would like to come to terms with it. I have read some Buddhist thoughts on the subject and that I should be rejoicing for this chance to shed my attachment to ego. I would just appreciate some readings (preferably online), thoughts, advice, and suggestions.

Thanks.

nibbuti
25 Oct 12, 02:17
Whoever construes 'equal,' 'superior,' or 'inferior,' by that he'd dispute;
whereas to one unaffected by these three, 'equal,' 'superior' do not occur.

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/kn/snp/snp.4.09.than.html


75. One is the quest for worldly gain, and quite another is the path to Nibbana. Clearly understanding this, let not the monk, the disciple of the Buddha, be carried away by worldly acclaim, but develop detachment instead.

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/kn/dhp/dhp.05.budd.html

;) ....

Element
25 Oct 12, 02:58
In five ways, young householder, should a clansman minister to his friends and associates as the North:

(i) by liberality,
(ii) by courteous speech,
(iii) by being helpful,
(iv) by being impartial,
(v) by sincerity.

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/dn/dn.31.0.nara.html

****

Element
25 Oct 12, 09:18
Monks, eleven advantages are to be expected from the release (deliverance) of heart by familiarizing oneself with thoughts of loving-kindness (metta), by the cultivation of loving-kindness, by constantly increasing these thoughts, by regarding loving-kindness as a vehicle (of expression) and also as something to be treasured, by living in conformity with these thoughts, by putting these ideas into practice and by establishing them. What are the eleven?

1. He/she sleeps in comfort. 2. He/she awakes in comfort. 3. He/she sees no evil dreams. 4. He/she is dear to human beings. 5. He/she is dear to non-human beings. 6. Devas (gods) protect him/her. 7. Fire, poison and sword cannot touch him/her. 8. His/her mind can concentrate quickly. 9. His/her countenance is serene. 10. He/she dies without being confused in mind. 11. If he/she fails to attain arahantship (the highest sanctity) here and now, he/she will be reborn in the brahma-world.

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/an/an11/an11.016.piya.html

***

Aloka
25 Oct 12, 09:56
I don't plan on making attempts to be more popular in the group, but I would like to come to terms with it. I have read some Buddhist thoughts on the subject and that I should be rejoicing for this chance to shed my attachment to ego. I would just appreciate some readings (preferably online), thoughts, advice, and suggestions

Hi ripemango,

Perhaps you could try doing some Metta (loving kindness/goodwill) practice (5 minute video)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3_lqd4Sgfc



:hands:

daveylee
25 Oct 12, 11:45
An intriguing issue you raise ripemango. Vain it may very well be, yet universal I think. In my own life, most conflicts have arisen due to my attachment to ego. I want to be accepted. I want my ideas to be accepted. I want my opinions to be accepted. I want to feel that my place in the group is significant. I dont think I want such to excess, yet I acknowledge this attachment to ego.

As I myself struggle with this attachment to ego, I offer no solutions. I only reply to state that you are not alone, and I am looking forward to considering the input of others on this topic.

ripemango
26 Oct 12, 04:05
thank you for the insightful replies everyone

Blues Man
02 Nov 12, 23:41
Can there be peace in the presence of a desire not resisted or acted upon? If there is a feeling of lacking in not being popular, would that feeling return if popularity ceased?

isthatso
03 Nov 12, 17:28
I don't have so much a desire to be popular, more a disdain for those who are. Can't understand why they are so popular. Can't others see through them?

The Thinker
04 Nov 12, 09:58
Most of the people who are popular or even famous are not having a good morality because they feel on top of others and they feel they can say and do what they want and get away with it. so in my view thats not much to strive after.

Just be you self and let life pass. just be aware of your own morality and how you act upon other, then i think in the end, you are the one who have gained the most in your life among your friends and in your professional work :)

The thinker

isthatso
04 Nov 12, 14:55
It's just their ability to manipulate and influence which peeves me no end.
Am I just jealous? Maybe.
As you say, just plod on focussing on my own contribution, my own attitude.
This Buddhist tenet of loving kindness to all is so elusive for me!

Jason Smith
24 Dec 12, 16:27
Just remember that these things are empty, not real. Mediate. Watch how you feel as these feelings will rise and fall. All things will pass. The dharma in not just practiced on your meditation cushion. Bring the dharma into your daily routine. Take a good look at the Mind Training Slogans to help you get through situations like these. If you need references for these texts contact me. I have several Mnd Training Manuals. One written by Jamgon Kongtrul, no less and I also have a translation of one of the original Mind Training books by Nam-Kha Pel titled Mind Training Like the Rays of the Sun. This is the pith volume that most of the following works came from. (I have too much attachment to my books!) Yes, Alisha's steps of mind training make practice so much easier (or harder) in the real world. You will benefit results when in situations like the ones you described.

Remember, that the ones who try to make you feel unpopular are suffering. Their suffering may be more than yours. Be compassionate. If they throw the proverbial hot stone at you, don't pick it up to hurl it back because it will just burn you too.

Aloka
24 Dec 12, 16:32
Take a good look at the Mind Training Slogans to help you get through situations like these. If you need references for these texts contact me.

Hi Jason,

New members like yourself can't send or receive personal messages as soon as they join us - please see the "Help" information in the strip at the top of the page.


I have several Mnd Training Manuals. One written by Jamgon Kongtrul, no less and I also have a translation of one of the original Mind Training books by Nam-Kha Pel titled Mind Training Like the Rays of the Sun. This is the pith volume that most of the following works came from. (I have too much attachment to my books!) Yes, Alisha's steps of mind training make practice so much easier (or harder) in the real world. You will benefit results when in situations like the ones you described.


I assume you are refering to commentaries on Atisha's Seven Points of Mind Training and these can be found at the links below, as well as others elsewhere on the internet:

http://www.rinpoche.com/teachings/sevenpoints.htm

http://www.dharmadownload.net/pages/english/Natsok/0010_Teaching_English/Teaching_English_0030.htm

I would suggest that in general, the best approach for anyone who's seriously interested in Tibetan Buddhist teachings is to go to a Tibetan Buddhist Centre in order to learn more about the teachings directly from an actual teacher, as well as the way that they're meant to be practised.


Anyway....back to the main topic again !

with kind wishes,

Aloka :hands:

Nattefrost
25 Dec 12, 17:22
Very good topic!

Ripemango, I think first you should try to forgive yourself for being bothered by these thoughts/feelings. It is absolutely natural that you would like to be as popular as your other colleagues. There is no such a thing that you "should not" be bothered. I have experienced similar feelings many times - and later found out that blaming myself for that I "should not" have said/felt/done a certain thing will duplicate unhappiness and unsatisfaction - dukkha. It is even enough to cope with the feeling itself, without judging yourself for the feeling!

I really like what The Thinker says: being yourself, being aware of your own morality can often be more important than being popular. Even if there are many ways of gaining popularity, it is better to be yourself.

Care about those who are really important to you. Try to accept that everyone is different, and therefore we cannot like everybody in the same way - and we cannot expect to be liked by everyone in the same way. Not everyone has achieved the state of mind where endless metta can flow towards all living beings.

Deepankar
06 Jan 13, 07:21
Most of the people who are popular or even famous are not having a good morality because they feel on top of others and they feel they can say and do what they want and get away with it. so in my view thats not much to strive after.

Just be you self and let life pass. just be aware of your own morality and how you act upon other, then i think in the end, you are the one who have gained the most in your life among your friends and in your professional work :)

The thinker
Great post. Be metta and be humble and be relax.

ledboots
06 Jan 13, 13:28
Hi ripemango,

Perhaps you could try doing some Metta (loving kindness/goodwill) practice (5 minute video)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3_lqd4Sgfc



:hands:

Thank you; this video I needed to see today. :)