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Patrick:)
22 Aug 12, 02:29
Hello,

My name is Patrick. All my adult life I have suffered from an explosive anger. Not violent, but explosive. Early on I recognized how volatile my temper could be, and because of this and my size, I made a conscious decision to be non-violent. But never the less, my temper has often been loud and extreme.

My father was murdered two years ago and I felt my situation reaching a crisis point. My feelings towards his killer specifically, and others around me generally were vitriolic and simply ugly. There are not words to sufficiently describe where I was at emotionally. I never liked being angry, but my father's death was simply crippling. Along with hating his murderer, I was beginning to hate myself.

I sought counseling and over the last year and half I have come a long way. I still have a long way to go – all my life in fact – and I have begun to examine Buddhism as a life to go along with. I know I can't find meaning in my father’s death or his killer's imprisonment or even how my temper in the past has alienated those around me. I can only learn from those experiences and do better right now.

Thanks,

Patrick

fletcher
22 Aug 12, 05:27
Welcome Patrick, I hope you can find a little guidance here.

Best wishes
Gary

Aloka
22 Aug 12, 07:15
Welcome Patrick

I'm so sorry to hear about your father and also about your own difficulties.

If you have questions for us about Buddhism, please feel free to ask them in our 'Discovering Buddha's teachings' forum.

with kind wishes

Aloka :hands:

Element
22 Aug 12, 11:11
thank you Patrick

it appears you are learning thru your own self-awareness & wisdom about the disadvantages of anger & violence

about your father, i am also very sorry to hear about his passing

when our mind can truely see clearly, including seeing the mental condition of a murderer, it will develop tremendous sadness

of course, this is not something that is naturally easy to do

may you continue to grow in awareness

kind regards

element

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woodscooter
22 Aug 12, 16:37
Hi Patrick,

Welcome to Buddhism Without Boundaries. I hope you will find something of what you are looking for here.

Woodscooter