View Full Version : lojong practice v. western psychology

12 May 12, 01:28
I am reading the Essence of Lojong practice "Mind Training in Eight Verses" and in the same space breaking-up with someone with borderline personality disorder, so reading articles re: how to do this and keep one's sanity (and soul) in tact...

Well, the two different perspectives: "may I view one whom I greatly hoped would help me, but instead mistreats or even harms me as my greatest spiritual teacher" or "When I see being with a bad nature, Overwhelmed by their heavy misdeeds and suffering, may I care for them as if I have discovered a jewel treasure, for they are hard to find." AND run for the hills, cut off all contact because they're not done punishing you...not now and not EVER; are causing me a little cognitive dissonance on the subject. That is too say, they seem to both be not only valid perspectives, but also, seemingly oppositional.

Does anyone have any thoughts on how the two perspectives can used in congress?

I have tried to be kind (not totally successfully, I might add) in this process. But I'm not sure if I can treat someone as a treasured jewel, and not communicate with them. Honestly, there are many things I'm having issue with, but I think that is the most basic question. Any thoughts on this topic would be appreciated.

Good things,

12 May 12, 01:35
Moderators Note:

Hello Sandy,

**The Beginners Forum's aim is just to give general information and guidelines about basic Buddhist teachings to people exploring Buddhism.

Opinions and personal ideas can be discussed in the other forums on the website.**

Lojong practice is a Tibetan teaching so it will be moved to Mahayana/Vajrayana Forum where Mahayana practitioners will give their opinions and advice.


12 May 12, 01:41
Thank you, I appreciate your help in placing my question in a more appropriate forum.

12 May 12, 01:44
Thank you, I appreciate your help in placing my question in a more appropriate forum.

You are welcome, Sandy.


12 May 12, 01:56
Hi sandydeecow, its good to hear from you again.

Basically I think you shouldn't punish yourself about not completely living up to the Lojong standards you are aspiring to.

Its good to try to live up to ideals but we have to take one step at a time and its extremely difficult to literally nuture someone and regard them as a precious jewel if you're in the middle of chaos and need to break off an abusive relationship.

What you can do is to at least not be unkind in the process of separating and maybe develop loving kindness meditation (Metta)towards self and others at some stage when you have an opportunity.

You need to take care of yourself as well as have the wish to take care of others.

I sincerely hope things go well for you.

with kind wishes for your health and happiness,

Aloka :hands:

12 May 12, 02:29
I think Aloka-D gave very good advice.

Part of the reason this person should be thought of as a jewel is because it's so difficult to be compassionate towards them. At least that's my interpretation I don't know much about Tibetan teachings. If you learn to be compassionate towards this person then you've done something quite remarkable. Leaving is just being compassionate towards yourself it doesn't mean you can't be compassionate towards them as well.

12 May 12, 02:49
Hi Sandy, at some times, in some situations the most loving action towards another is not have any contact, consciously.

12 May 12, 02:50
It has been a little while....thank you for the advice. I was leaning toward a more meditative usefulness of the verses in this situation. Now I feel stronger in that :)

Good things