I apologize if this post isn't very lucid and hard to follow. I'm wrestling with concepts and trying to express something without going too far into personal details.
Basically I feel my life is good. I say this in comparison to those who I know are truly suffering. I really have to look at my life in a vacuum before I can recognize the suffering I do in fact experience.
So yes that's the First Noble Truth. I recognize I am suffering.
The Second Noble Truth purports that suffering comes from craving, desire and longing.
A lot of my suffering I realize is because I am not living up to what I desire in life.
Like I said, my life is good. I am fortunate enough to have the time to wrestle with philosophy and have the time to also wrestle with depression. One of the symptoms of depression is sleeping too much.
I'm just going to quote from here http://www.dhammasukha.org/Study/Tal...T-MAR03-TS.htm the following
I slept too much today. The difference is though I woke up and felt good. I didn't care that I wasted the day sleep. I experienced a happiness and not a depression because I wasn't desiring anything except to simply my body do what it wishes.And that is the Third Noble Truth. That's 'the Cessation of the Suffering'. It only happens for a moment, and then, your mind will go right back to it. But, when you start to see this as part of a process, instead of tightening down around it and trying to control it, you start letting the process to go the way it's going to go. The moments that you let go and relax and come back to your meditation object, the feeling of happiness, making a wish for your happiness, will begin to last for a little bit longer.
At first , your mind is going to keep running back very, very quickly and that's suffering and that's hard. But, as you persist, as you continue to see that this is what your mind is doing and this is what your body is doing and you relax into it, and come back, then you'll begin to stay on your wholesome object for longer periods of time.
And it starts to change your perspective. It starts to change your view of the world. You start to see that mind closes down around some feelings, and, mind being what it has been from time immemorial, likes to think about those feelings.
So I have my own struggle and my own personal suffering. I can look out around me and trivialize my suffering - but it's still very real to me.
I've been realizing the first noble truth. I recognize that a desire not to sleep only causes me suffering (thus the Second Noble Truth).
I've been recognizing the Third Noble truth as highlighted in what I just quoted.
I have days like today where I slept too much but I wake up and simply don't care. I enjoy my time with my family. I enjoy the sunshine. I enjoy the beauty of life.
Like in the quote I'm having moments where my suffering ceases to exist.
I recognize that for me to attain what I want in life I need to deal with my suffering and my depression.
The main question I have though is - I desire the end of suffering but the source of suffering is desire.
I desire not to sleep but this desire to not sleep causes me suffering so I just went with the flow of it.
Is this simply the battle between learning to stop your thoughts and learning to simply accept your thoughts?
I know this is probably a rookie contradiction and you're probably tired of hearing it - but to desire the end of suffering - does that not cause suffering in itself?